


No Longer A Monkey Mule

by SkyTintedWater



Category: Pushing Daisies
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Porn With Plot, Yuletide Madness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 06:56:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12812103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyTintedWater/pseuds/SkyTintedWater
Summary: Chuck wins a free cruise. Ned takes a holiday. There is no briefcase.





	No Longer A Monkey Mule

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hollimichele](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollimichele/gifts).



> _Somehow, there is not a single fix-it fic on the entire goddamn Internet in which Ned and Chuck get to touch, for real, without Chuck dying, and in which they also get to bang without a genteel fade to black.  
>  This is a TRAVESTY, I think you will agree._
> 
> It IS a travesty. So here you go.   
> Happy yuletide.

At this very moment in the town of Couer d’Couers, Charlotte Charles is 28 years, 23 weeks, 3 days 11 hours and 51 minutes old. On collecting the mail she notices a brightly coloured envelope among the bills with her name on it.   
_You’re a winner!_ exclaims the letter.   
‘Aunt Lily! Aunt Vivian! I won a cruise to Tahiti!’ she says. 

A few towns over, Ned the pie maker is 29 years, 3 months, 2 weeks, 7 hours and 48 minutes old and stuck in a rut. On the way back from a grocery run he finds himself speaking to a travel agent and booking a cruise to Tahiti, leaving tomorrow.   
When he returns to the Pie Hole he gives the keys to Olive and tells her to look after the shop and Digby for two weeks.   
Then he goes upstairs to pack. 

Charlotte makes her way up the gangplank with a smile on her face. Her summery yellow dress is long enough that she looks demure but cut short enough in the front that she turns more than one appreciative head along the way. Her matching hat takes off, flung excitedly into the air by a strong breeze. She snatches at it but it’s too late.   
Charlotte shrugs. There will be other hats. 

Ned struggles to make his way through the crowd. There are couples and families everywhere, hugging and promising to write and reminding people that the cruise is only for two weeks.   
He’s almost at the gangplank when a bright yellow hat hits him squarely in the face. The shock of it makes him drop his bag which promptly breaks open, spilling clothes everywhere.   
‘Of course,’ he sighs. 

It’s been a day and Charlotte has taken part in every activity she can. She loved every moment until the time she stepped left when she should have stepped back and twisted her ankle. Two very nice young men carried her to the infirmary.  
Her dance class would have to wait.

Ned doesn’t dance. Ever. But he promised himself that he would try new things and so as he tangoes his way across the dance floor with a surprising amount of grace he reminds himself to smile.   
He is actually enjoying himself. 

It takes four days to get to Tahiti and when they arrive Charlotte’s ankle is almost healed. The doctor tells her to take it easy. Charlotte nods and promises to do so and when the doctor’s back is turned she practically skips from the room, ready for her day.   
She makes it to the door before the doctor starts yelling and thrusts a pair of crutches at her.   
‘Take these, and I don’t want to see you here again!’ snaps the doctor, waving Charlotte away.   
Charlotte takes the crutches but swears she will only use one. Her ankle doesn’t even hurt anymore. 

Ned is dressed and ready for Tahiti. He even made new friends yesterday and they said they would meet him before they went onshore. On his way he passes by the infirmary and hears someone yelling. He wonders if he should help but his friends spot him and wave him over.   
Ned hesitates but the yelling has stopped so he joins his new friends. They already know where they want to eat lunch, some place called ‘Digby’s’. The name sounds good and so he follows in their wake. 

Charlotte makes it into town without using her crutches. When she’s out of sight of the boat she leans them up against a handy wall. Someone will give them a good home.   
By lunchtime she regrets her decision. Her ankle is throbbing and she really, really needs to sit down. The restaurant across the road is called ‘Digby’s’ and for some reason the name makes her smile. So she goes in and sits down. 

Ned and his new friends are having a great time. But Ned still isn’t used to so much fun so he breaks away early, promising to meet them at ‘Digby’s’. Inside he asks for a table but there aren’t any free. A voice from the table on his left says, ‘You can sit with me, if you like.’   
He turns and sees a beautiful young woman who looks weirdly familiar.   
‘Okay,’ he says.   
‘Hi, I’m Charlotte,’ she says, and Ned feels his heart stop. He doesn’t think about his childhood, ever, but he suddenly recognises her, and remembers everything.   
‘Chuck?’  
Shock crosses her face.   
‘Wow. No one’s called me that since … Ned?’  
He smiles, slow and sweet and so very irresistible.   
‘I haven’t seen you since … my dad’s funeral.’   
Ned looks away. ‘So, a cruise, huh? Ever been overseas before?’   
‘Is that your way of saying you don’t want to talk about it?’ Chuck grins at him.  
‘I don’t like to think about my mom’s funeral,’ he says quietly.   
‘Oh. Right, I forgot. I’m sorry Ned.’   
The waiter appears, breaking the tension. ‘Are you ready to order?’ she asks.   
‘What kind of cheeses do you have?’ asks Chuck. 

Charlotte wants to ask him so many questions but she also doesn’t want him to leave and she’s afraid that if she pushes to hard he will. So Charlotte — Chuck — talks about herself, about her aunts, about leaving home for the first time so she can see something other than the inside of her own home which has become a beautiful and well-worn cage.   
He still won’t open up as much as she’d like but he tells her about his life — he’s a piemaker, a part-time private investigator and he has a dog named Digby.   
‘Wasn’t that the name of your dog when we were kids?’   
He looks away again. ‘It’s a good name. Should we get back to the ship?’  
Her ankle feels fine now. They stand and leave together.   
Afterwards neither of them can remember who initiated it, but they hold hands the whole way back. 

Ned doesn’t want to leave her but he can see his new friends and he promised to have dinner with them. Reluctantly he pulls his hand from Chuck’s and tells her his room number so she can call if she wants to catch up.   
He wants her to call.   
He’s terrified she won’t.   
At dinner there is an empty seat next to his. Even as he’s opening his mouth to ask who’s missing Chuck slides into the chair.  
‘We met Charlotte this afternoon. Isn’t she great? I hope you don’t mind if she joins us.’  
‘I don’t mind,’ said Ned, his hand already reaching for hers. ‘I don’t mind at all.’ 

Chuck loves meeting new people. They always have such interesting stories. Sarah, on her right, is a defence lawyer who writes erotic novels in her spare time and wants to become a pilot. Derek, across from her, is a world-renowned gymnast and strawberry crepe enthusiast. And Randy, sitting next to Ned, taxidermies pets for fun _and_ for work.   
‘It’s so important to do what you love,’ he says, biting into a carrot stick.   
‘Say Ned, didn’t you say something about making pies? How’dya get inta that?’   
‘My mother made pies,’ he says quietly, the sadness of his statement rolling over the table like a runaway wheel of Jarlsberg.   
‘So, Randy, how did you get into taxidermy again?’ asks Chuck. 

After dinner Ned’s friends invite him and Chuck to the after dinner show but they both say they’re not interested. Instead Chuck guides him to the top deck of the ship, chatting excitedly about watching the sunset and how she hasn’t even had the chance to do that yet. Ned just follows, grinning goofily and rubbing his thumb over hers. Her hand is soft and warm and just holding it makes him happier than he’s been in years.   
They make it to the top deck which is strangely empty although that suits Ned just fine — he’s not one for crowds anyway. As they lean against the railing the setting sun lights up Chuck so that he can’t see her as much as he can just see her glow. It’s beautiful, but he doesn’t like it much. Already he wants to know her secrets, her fears, how she takes her coffee in the morning.   
He wants to tell her his secrets — well, some of them. Most of them.   
The sun sets and Ned can see her clearly again. She’s smiling.   
‘Can I kiss you?’ he asks.   
Her only response is to grab his by the shirt and pull him close.   
Their second-ever kiss is hot and hard and perfect. 

Chuck and Ned stay on the top deck until she starts shivering. Even then she doesn’t want to leave because she doesn’t want the moment to end but one of the staff makes the decision for then when she tells her the deck is closing.   
‘Do you want to come to my room?’ she asks Ned.   
He nods and follows her back down. He reminds her of a puppy, or a lovesick school boy.   
Perhaps, in a way, he still is.   
She wondered if he would be nervous but inside he stretches across her bed, looking like he’s about to fall asleep.   
Chuck curls up next to him, her head on his chest.   
‘There are things I want to tell you,’ he says. ‘Things I’ve never told anyone before.’   
‘I want you to tell me,’ she replies. She wants to know everything about him.   
Ned tells her a story, unbelievable enough that it must be true — who would make this up? He bakes pies and wakes the dead and helps solve murders in exchange for half the reward. And then he goes home to Digby, not a dog with the same name but the very same dog from his childhood.   
He tells her the three rules: first touch, life. Second touch dead again, forever. And if he keeps them alive for more than a minute, someone else dies in their place.   
She can tell he wants to say something else too but his mouth closes again and he looks away.   
Chuck wonders if he’s ever hurt anyone with his gift. But that’s a question for another day.   
As he talked she’d traced slow circles on his chest. Now his hand comes up to meet hers and she thinks he’s going to hold her hand again but instead he undoes his buttons, one by one, until his chest is bare beneath her fingers. His skin is hot.   
She turns her head until her lips are pressed against his chest. He sighs, softly, and that’s enough motivation for Chuck to straddle him, grinning as her lips move from chest to neck to that sensitive spot just beneath the ear.   
Ned’s hands are on her hips now, underneath the cotton of her dress. He slides them ever upwards until her dress slips over her head, where it is flung onto the floor.   
Chuck is fairly certain she already knows the answer to this question but she has to ask.   
‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ she whispers.   
‘Yes. Please, Chuck.’   
It’s difficult getting Ned’s pants off while she’s sitting on top of him but they manage with some effort and much laughter.   
Soon there is nothing between them but the thin sheath of latex rolled down over Ned’s cock and then there is only heat and hands and cries of ecstasy as they hold each other close, trembling from the aftershock.   
When she starts to shiver Ned pulls the blanket over both of them. He’s so tall she can see his feet sticking out from the end of the bed and she starts to giggle.   
‘So what happens now?’ she asks, throwing an arm over him.   
‘Sleep,’ he says. ‘Then breakfast. Maybe pie.’   
‘And then talking. You were still holding something back,’ she says, only half-teasing.   
He doesn’t reply.

When Ned wakes he’s confused about the stranger in his arms.   
No, not a stranger. Chuck. Chuck, his childhood sweetheart who he met (re-met?) only yesterday and they talked and laughed and then …   
Slowly he traces a finger down her arm, marvelling at how soft her skin is. In his lonelier moments he’s dreamed about this skin and how it would feel to touch it.   
Chuck opens her eyes and when she smiles at him he feels his heart beating so hard it feels like it might burst free from his body.   
‘Morning,’ she whispers, kissing his chest.  
‘Breakfast?’ he asks, but he doesn’t move. He doesn’t ever want to get up, to move from this spot and break the moment. He remembers what she’d said to him last night about holding back and although there are some things he will never, ever tell her he wants to tell her this.   
‘Chuck, I need to tell you that I … I don’t want to be apart from you. If you’re not interested that’s okay, we can go our separate ways but I hope you’ll stay. Here. With me. In, well, in your room.’   
‘I can’t stay,’ says Chuck. ‘I need breakfast. Come with me, we can go together.’   
‘Is that a yes?’ he asks, allowing her to pull him from the bed.   
‘It’s not a no,’ she says, grinning. 

They spend the day together and Chuck tries to think about what, exactly is holding her back. It isn’t until she hears someone behind her talking about how much they miss home that it hits her.   
‘Ned, I do want to stay with you. But first you have to meet my aunts. Again. Re-meet them.’  
‘Are they still living in the same house?’ he asks.   
‘Yep. Right across from your old place. It never got sold. Do you know who it belongs to?’   
He shrugs. ‘No idea. I haven’t been back there in years.’  
‘Well, now’s your chance. Come back with me?’  
Ned hesitates and then reaches for her hand.   
‘Always,’ he says.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this story was what you were looking for! It was going to be a single porn scene but it turns out I can’t write porn without plot.   
> I tried to stick to the tone of the show. Watching it (and singing along with Olive and Vivian) while writing helped. I apologise for the lack of witty banter, it is _not_ one of my strengths.


End file.
